10 May 2015

Mother's Day - made it ok!

Another Hallmark holiday but a good reminder to give extra love & thanks to the woman who birthed you (or raised you), bathed you, wiped your backside and burped you and who was there for all the good and bad times growing up and even still as an adult.  Mum's are the best. I know mine is the best ever. So many stories I could tell you about growing up with mum being there for me,  it would take forever. 

I always feel a little sad as my mum isn't in the same city as me, but we chat often and see each other a few times a year & love buying something little to send her that I know she loves. This year was humbugs and Ginger Fudge from Hobart and a gorgeous printed scarf. Lovely.  I am so lucky and grateful that my mum is still here, where so many others don't have their mums with them. Grateful.

I have always wanted to be a mum.  There was a few years back in my early thirties that I honestly didn't think I would get the chance.  But so glad I do now.  I always wanted my child to experience all the great things in life and hopefully including a great friendship, love and bond with myself like my mum and I.  I have always been curious about pregnancy and to experience a life growing inside me.  I still find the process amazing by the way! Even though I know it can be tough and tiring. I have always wondered what it would be like to create a small person that looks at you and smiles, giggles with recognition, who will be comforted by you when they are sad or unwell and to share their achievements with you. 

Studying childcare donkeys years ago, I always wanted to work with children and at one point even wanted to become a midwife.    Working a lot with kids I always just assumed that one day I would become a mum, always wanted four boys (being a tom boy myself, thought they would be much easier to handle). Amazing how naive we can be when younger.  I never really met anyone that was forever material, let alone having children with them. Until now. I suppose I have grown up a lot in the last 10+ years and finally wanted to settle down with someone and get married and am excited that children could be on the cards, hopefully, if not, how many dogs can we have? I always thought, I hope my bod isn't past its use by date to conceive and carry a child.

I knew mother's day would be a tough day. A reminder that I am not a mum to be today. Today we would of been five months and a bit, 22 weeks +2days this weekend. Time seems to have gone so fast since we learnt that our little poppyseed wasn't growing anymore at 9weeks and it has really been an emotional roller coaster. I was so very happy to be having a child and now I am wondering if we will ever get pregnant again or have another miscarriage if we do try again, normal fears I know. I feel stronger as a person having felt so much love for poppyseed the instance I knew we were pregnant and nothing can take that feeling away.  I brought a little present for myself today for Mother's day, a little spiritual momento for our little angel which made me feel grateful for the experience to feel so much love. Grateful indeed. Our time will come.  


Watching Drew coach his football team today,  and witnessing his passion, pride and dedication to the boys, my WAG bestie Sas, who was watching her partner play said "Drew is such a good coach isn't he?", to which I agreed and said, "Yes, yes he is!  He will make such a great Dad one day too" feeling so grateful to have this beautiful man in my life.  Yes, yes he will and I cannot wait for that day to arrive.
My Blue Topaz Ring I brought myself today. Beautiful.

2 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry for what happened, I'm sure one day you will make a wonderful mother!
    Tegan xx - Permanent Procrastination

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  2. Yes, as Tegan said, I am sorry too. I pray that you are able to be a Mum one day, it really is lovely...but I am sure I don't have to convince you there :).

    My Mum lives on the other side of Australia to me, so it is hard that she isn't with me. We talk a lot though and do Skype, but it would be nice if I could just pop around to her house for a coffee, wine or even for her to just babysit for an arvo! Oh well, hopefully one day!

    Lovely post. xo

    https://yespeasmumma.wordpress.com/

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