26 January 2016
Sometimes being brave isn’t really being brave but actually pretending you are ok. I thought I was being brave this week and turns out I was holding it all in.
Pretending to be ok and knowing that deep down I was an emotional mess. As a wise friend told me the other night over Japanese food the baby angels are “part of me now, you will always be a part of their memory” he said it in a much better way but it is true, they are part of my life, our life and memory, and some days are going to be tougher than others. I thought if I didn’t consciously see or think of all the babies or pregnant women everywhere around me I would be ok. Today I am feeling so very empty.
We have had a few friends/colleagues recently celebrate pregnancy milestones and newborn cute little babies and I just feel that I have nothing to share or say, I just smile and say “congratulations” but it feels so fake, I can feel my fake face. It is so hard as I feel like my voice just wants to hide (and those who know me KNOW I have a voice)! I am happy for them on some level and I know some have had a hard journey too to be parents.
I know life continues on after loss and I know I am every so very grateful for everything I have in my life, but today I just feel a little lost and unsure. I have seen so many cute sets of baby feet hanging out of prams or baby holders and I just smile and then wonder if that will be me one day.
Thinking about my little angels today and hope they are somewhere on a cloud happy and know that I love and miss them. Would of been 12 weeks today with angel No3 #BG
25 January 2016
Am enjoying the monthly #fmsphotoaday challenge for 2016 and thought I would visit some of the photos I have snapped so far in 2016. I chose to do the theme black & white to capture things a little differently to start the year.
Starting in Perth after a great break with the parents over Christmas and New Year I have enjoyed a quiet start to the new year with some touristy snaps around Sydney and enjoying the simple things in life. Nature is always a favourite to take a picture of and sharing it in black and white changes the feeling of the shot and it definitely makes me look at things in a different light.
Sometimes we take colour for granted and seeing a gorgeous flower change from colour to black & white dosen't change its beauty - just your interpretation.
Architecture and shots of people i always love seeing in black & white - can strengthen the shot and totally change the feel of the picture (not to mention hide any imperfections)!
Our eyes are trained to see colour, our brains are so used to seeing amazing photos on social media and snapping the daily prompt in black & white makes me stop to appreciate no6lt only the item in view, but how it will look in b&w? Should I make it look better with a filter? Sometimes we should just enjoy things as they are meant to be.
20 January 2016
January is ticking along nicely at day 20 of the new year. #Jonesfit2016 with the husband is tracking along really well also with us both eating better foods everyday, totally eliminating crap and moving the body at least 3 times a week.
I feel healthier already and have noticed an increase in energy, plus am sleeping through and not waking up as much worrying about things. We started weighing ourselves new years day and we have both dropped a few kgs which is great. Our incentive is to eat healthy, exercise more, be aware of our habits and drop bodyfat whilst getting fitter and stronger. We both have come in with some injuries and my hormones are all over the shop. So we are being realistic and doing everything we can that works for us.
Last week I enjoyed swimming at icebergs, two 5km walks and a yoga session with Jillian Michaels. Felt god to get back on the exercise train after many, many, many months off.
This week I started bootcamp with work - we have a great trainer and he knows his stuff. It is also a great way for me to get to know my new work colleagues outside of work. Being the new Ops Manager a few of them report into me and they all have to come through me for certain items daily, so a great session to let go of the day and have some fun, fitness fun. Doing bootcamp on day 7 of a new job is pretty exciting. We did boxing today so I was very excited - it was hard and I am not going to lie and say I struggled with lots of the core work. But I enjoyed it and was knackered after!! Sign of a good workout.
Food wise have been keeping things simple and taking everything for the day to work - lots of good foods with protein smoothies, fruits, wraps and snacks and am keeping in one coffee a day - because I love coffee, and coffee loves me back 😆
Tracking food in myfitness pal keeps me accountable and a great motivator to put good food into my body. Loving the apps to track steps and trying to get as many steps as I can in a day as well as aiming for 2-3 5km walks a week.
Second weigh in, 3kgs down and feeling great. Keeping the training and eating the same for the next couple weeks should see me at my goal for January.
Am stepping outside my comfort zone. It has changed alot in 12 months and I am having to push harder. It will be worth it.