31 August 2015

Triple challenge time!!

Feeling very positive after the full moon energy over the last couple of days and have felt a real shift in my mental state and realise it is time to get off my arse and move forwards.  The temperature is rising and it is time to get my priorities in order and focus on getting my body and mind in a much healthier space.  Nothing like sneezing with spring in the air to realise that you pretended to be a bear in winter and ate enough food to hibernate for six months, when indeed you are NOT a bear and will indeed need to wear less clothing soon due to summer being en route (and probably shave le legs and apply fake tan so as not to scare the community with token white untoned legs #gasp).
Feeling the effects of this year with two miscarriages and my hormones totally taking over my body I am feeling in charge and ready to tackle the extra baggage with some challenges that along the way will not only make me feel great but will also inspire others and one will also raise money for a great charity.  Giving back to the community always makes me feel so proud that I can be in a position to help others less fortunate than myself.
Challenge One
Steptember - commencing Tuesday for the rest of the month is the 10,000 steps a day to raise money and awareness for Cerebral Palsy.  This is a great challenge, it makes you walk for those who are limited with movement and raises money to help.  We complete this great challenge last year and raise over $1000 which we hope to do this year.
Read more about Cerebral Palsy here. Donate to me and my fabulous team here!
Challenge Two
Live it, Do it - sugar free September! Yes you heard right.  I have done a few great challenges giving up the refined white powder because FOR ME it makes me feel SO much better.  Having used sugar this last couple months for emotional support I know it has indeed made me feel like I "need" it for energy when in fact I don't.  The great thing about this challenge is there is a photo-a-day challenge for it on Instagram! HOLA.... check out my Instagram account here.  I will be doubling up with my photo-a-day challenge this month - you can see some of my blogs on this site about the previous challenges!! Super excited. So much to focus on and think about I won't even know I haven't had chocolate!
Click here to find out more and complete the challenge! See the daily prompts below.
Challenge Three
As the above two covers improving my motivation to eat better and move my body more,  (and raising money for a great charity), I have decided to place a bet on myself using Dietbet.  A great site created by Jillian Michaels (from the original Biggest Loser).  You join one of the many challenges and place a bet on yourself to loose 4% of your starting weight in that month. For me a total do-able goal.  So far there is $2250 in the pot and 90 players.  The more people that don't complete the goal the more cash there is to divide amongst those who do complete the 4% challenge.  Not a bad motivator.  The site is monitored and is pretty legit in rewarding those who have worked hard.  Get ready summer lean fit Donna Jones is coming! #jonesfit
A jam packed month it is then! I am feeling good, in control and realistic about the goals I have set out to achieve.  I have set myself the goal of dropping 18kgs by the 23rd December. Just in time for a family holiday in Perth to visit the folks for Christmas. Bring it on.  The rest of 2015 is about me getting fitter and healthier to start trying again for a baby in the New Year. Now that is an incentive!!

24 August 2015

Week 34 #fmsphotoaday - I am back!

If you had read my previous posts you would understand how I have gotten off track taking a photo-a-day as somedays it was a challenge to just get up, get dressed and get to work let alone try and think creative and to remember the days prompt for a photo.
Life is life and sometimes the little things get put on pause. I love photography and love this challenge, so am excited to be back after a couple weeks and here is Week 34.
Monday 17: Inside
Went for an amazing beach walk on Sunday and took some snaps of the gorgeous turquoise waters walking from Coogee to Clovelly.  When I saw the prompt on Monday I thought "why be inside when you can be outside experiencing nature".
Tuesday 18: A Logo
Standing at the bus stop Tuesday afternoon as the sun goes down I noticed this red glare through the metal logo of Green Square train station.  Suppose it is only a logo if you perceive it to be.
Wednesday 19: Hat
My in-laws had an amazing summer travelling Europe and part of my little goody pack from Venice was this denium studded hat! Love it. bring on Summer
Thursday 20 - Surprise
A lovely manager from work sent this card to cheer me up after a stressful couple of weeks. Was truly nice to get a card in the post and know that someone was thinking of you and sending you happy thoughts.  We don't send enough surprise cards anymore.
Friday 21 - M is for .....
Mindfood magazine. My upmost favourite. So many great articles and stories from all over the world. Love coming home to this magazine with a  cuppa and just relaxing after a long day.
Saturday 22 - Path
Another gorgeous weekend walk near the beach with a gorgeous path leading me down to the ocean. The outdoors and water certainly recharges my batteries and the path shows me that it can lead anywhere you want it to in life.
Sunday 23 - Lighting
A great friend made me some chocolate pancakes for breakfast today and sitting there on the breakfast bar in the light they just looked SO good!  They definitely taste as good as they look.  Loved the light glimmering in the maple syrup. Divine.

Week 27 - 30 #fmsphotoaday

Weeks 27 - 30 catch up for my #fmsphotoaday.  The last few months have been a little busy and my favourite hobby (photography) has taken a backseat whilst life continues.  I have shared the pictures below that I took for the challenges. The rest you can see on my instagram account here.  I will be continuing on with this challenge from Week 34.

19 August 2015

This cannot be happening, again?!? (swearing appears often)

This year truly has been a test of patience, sadness, disappointment, strength, determination, defeat and insanity.  I feel like I have lost a part of my heart, my identity and my body/fitness mojo as other areas of my body have been a priority. In amongst the sadness I have become a better version of myself even though I have managed to gain the most weight ever in the history of me, but it doesn’t consume me as it used too, because the weight gain is part of me. I have realised the importance of how so many other elements in life, such as love and true to the bone happiness are what counts.  I have learnt so much about myself and fallen in love even more with my husband as we have truly been tried and tested this year with what has possibly been the hardest, toughest time ever.  On this day of hope I share my heartache and send prayers to those who also have experienced heartache.

2015 surely has been an interesting year.  Looking back on this year so far I have been pregnant for about four months out of the eight, with two pregnancies and to date,  no baby to hold.

Weighing in at about 18kgs heavier I am wondering how long it takes hormones to truly get back to normal,  not only after one miscarriage, but possibly two? Currently I am in limbo land awaiting further scans to see if Jones Jnr pregnancy no 2 is viable. And I cannot wait to add more exercise to my routine... walking is fine when not extremely exhausted but just seem to have no energy most days. Here is hoping that means this pregnancy is viable.

A couple months ago I got another positive pregnancy test and of course my mood switched from super excited to thinking holy-fecking-crap. Will this pregnancy be ok? Can we go through the  heartache of another loss? Surely it is our time to have a baby?  Are we strong enough to get through whatever happens this time around? I honestly don't have the answers.

So we had our first scan booked, what they call the dating scan & this time I made sure Drew was to come with me (he had already decided that there was NO way he was missing this scan).  I had used most of my superbrave powers the first time around and now I was scared.  But before we got to the experience the scan I started spotting. Of course my heart sank... no no no!! No.

I made an appt at my GP for any doctor to see what I needed to do. As my usual doctors don't have early morning appts and I was uber keen to see someone,  I scheduled with a doctor I hadn't seen before. In what was a strange twist I thought the surname of the doctor I had booked sounded Asian (Zuang), but when a tall handsome man called my name I instantly got nervous about mentioning my um vagina to him ..... what huh?! Yes he is a professional, who could also model on the side...... so I literally put on my big girl knickers and asked him about my bleeding, told him about previous pregnancy and could I get an earlier scan & do I need another anti d injection (have a negative blood type). He suggested I head to Vinnies asap to get jabbed & yes bring scan forward if possible. So I did both. thanks Mr model, I mean doc. So off to Vinnie's in cab I went, to find out they don't stock it (yeah right) and then proceeded in another cab to Randwick. Thank god they were organised and jabbed me.
The scan went exactly like the first pregnancy back in February,  no foetal pole could be seen. Not again. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. I was too scared to look at at Drew's face because I just could not handle seeing him so hurt & upset, again. There was lots of tears, lots of heartache, hugging & us trying to crack jokes about being us being determined to have a baby. We WILL do this. Fuck.

So as per the routine I visited my normal GP who referred me again to the Early Pregnancy Clinic (EPAS),  at the Royal Women's hospital. This made me feel a little at ease because I knew what to expect.... or so I thought.

Walking into the clinic for my appt I had so many mixed emotions - sadness that I was here (again) to see how this miscarriage was progressing (again) & a slight sense of comfort & familiarity that I knew exactly what to expect this time. Having been here before I remembered all the painful triggers of last time & decided that I could be more courageous and brave today.  I came solo because I  had an early appt & would not be long.

Seeing the EPAS clinic nurse Nicki (who I have seen a few times now) eased my mind. She is truly amazing, kind and honest. My kinda person. She always has oils burning in her office, lavender or geranium & I feel relaxed. No surprises here, I know to have the scan, blood tests & book in a d&c for a weeks time as I am sure my body will take ages to miscarry naturally  for this second missed miscarriage.


The sonographer found what she thought might be a foetal pole & a heartbeat....what the actual fuck?! I saw that flickering on the screen and thought nahhhhhh cannot be this far out?!  So she had to investigate & compare to the last report from a week earlier when there wasn't a foetal pole showing.... she had to make sure & kept apologizing to me... it could of been my heartbeat making the tissue move that ironically now looks like a teeny tiny foetus. Holy crap. I told her I don't care if there is only a 1% chance I want to know!! So the doctor has said it could be viable and to come back in two weeks....TWO WHOLE EFFING WEEKS TO WAIT. ...
14th August was that date and with the 50/50 odds we were given we are so confused as to how we should be feeling......i was so torn because I knew what the outcome was going to be. I prayed that the dates were wrong and my tracking was out.

After the longest effing wait the 14 august came and we had the scan that revealed to us the devastating news. That this pregnancy was not viable. Fuck. I wanted to scream so loudly. I wanted to run out of that room (gown on and all revealing my lady parts). I can not get that flickering heartbeat out of my mind, I know it probably wasn't a proper heartbeat but I can still see it everytime I close my eyes.  At 3pm on the 14 August I was wheeled into surgery for another evacuation procedure of our second child that would not come out to meet us. Gutted beyond belief. How can this happen again, is it just a coincidence or do we really need help?  Specialist appointment to happen soon.

The positives don't cut the mustard this time, I don't care that we CAN get pregnant (I mean of course I do, but doesn't seem relevant this second right now).  I wanted to meet my little people I had bonded with, even if only for a short time. I don't care that there was an obvious reason they didn't grow past 7 weeks, they still grew in me and I felt the changes happening to ME. I know that in time positives will become more real, but for now I am walking around in a haze, my brain feels fuzzy and my body still has the pain and feelings of being pregnant due to hormones settling back to 0.

Having such amazing family & friends being there truly has helped me realise that it is ok to take our time to grieve our losses. Getting care packages delivered and colourful flowers truly made me feel loved and supported. Some friends i know who have been through this more also are helping me so much. I am in a place I have never been and would never wish this on anyone. 

Whilst my next challenge is to get post surgery check up with my doctor and referred to a recurrent miscarriage specialist, I feel that I can,  as my physical body heals,  aim to get fit, strong and healthier, I will be working on my emotional stability because quite frankly that is at an all time low. Today we would of been announcing we are 12 weeks and in just under four weeks we have our first due date with Poppyseed for pregnancy number 1(link below to first post). How on earth do we get through that haze?! 

I foresee many boxing classes mixed with yoga sessions :)