9 December 2014

Why do we care what others think?

You always hear people talk (including myself) about being positive, to reduce negative talk and how using positive words can make you feel less anxious, stressed and learn how to be kinder to yourself.  Actions do speak louder than words and sometimes words are just easier to accept.
All about changing patterns and habits.  This is the key to making any changes in your life and moving towards the goals you have set for yourself.  Thinking it is the best way to start, but getting it out in a journal, blog or a to do list will make the words become alive and real. 
I have been harsh on myself this week, thinking negatively about myself, my appearance and my body. Thinking that I am not good enough, pretty enough or skinny enough to fit in, seriously?? I am 40 years old and am the happiest I have been in some areas of my life whilst I seem to still struggle with meeting other peoples expectations. WHY? Habit. When things start to get stressful in one area of my life, it is like a coping mechanism, I become obsessed with being perfect, but by whom?  Why do I keep comparing myself to the person I was five, six, seven years ago?
Why do I really give a fuck what people think of me? Most days I don't care but whenever I feel a little insecure these habits and thoughts come flooding back. Why can't I just accept myself for the loving, caring person I am. The lady who loves life, laughs often but also gets anxious when there is a Christmas party coming up that I won't look good enough in my dress, I compare myself to others and think they are prettier than me or skinnier than me. I get stressed that I don't have a new dress because I wont buy a new one until I can fit into the size that I prefer until I feel better about myself.
This is starting to consume me everyday.  I have let fear gain control. I have left fear control me and put a protective layer around me to keep that fear in (by gaining weight).  I have learnt what is causing that fear and I am making steps everyday to release the energy that keeps this fear in and learn to balance myself out.  Yin more than Yang.
I must stop letting external factors get to me. Remember that I am awesome and amazing just the way I am. That the path I am on right this minute is the perfect path. I am the only one who can make changes in my life.

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