7 September 2015

The week has finally come....

Going back to January this year, one of the exciting things was the count down to our Poppyseed's due date with Instagram  #fmsphotoaday challenge.  I thought it would be a cool way to keep count of the weeks as they progressed in the pregnancy (because who can keep up really?).  As I was two weeks in front of the start date in January,  every week I knew exactly how far along I was and thought it was "cute" that I had my favourite photography challenge as a reminder. 
Unfortunately this only lasted up until Week 9 of the challenge (when I had a day visit to the hospital, I should of been 11 weeks).  I used a picture of me for one of the prompts that week - even though it was probably the saddest day I wanted to remember the week that it was and made sure I captured the prompts for that week.
Week 9 of the photo challenge - second day prompt was 12 noon.  I was sitting in my gown waiting to be taken into surgery. Reflecting now I am so glad I took this picture.  The rest of that week involved some happy pictures to reflect back on: sunflowers, Friday espresso martinis at the Newie, Saturday pizza and farewell drinks for Ruth & Rob on the Sunday.  I remember it felt so surreal to be out drinking with some lovely people and I felt so confused to how I should be feeling. Talking to people was so hard because my mind kept reminding me that I wasn't pregnant anymore.  I still drove that day as I didn't want to drink too much (wine and emotions mixed together = crazy). I had spent the morning with some friends for brunch and drove to Coogee in the early afternoon just as the hail storm happened (February 2015).  I sat in the car for 15mins whilst the rain bucketed down and my tears reflected the rain pelting on the windows outside. Should I go inside? So glad I did.
So now it is Week 37 of the #fmsphotoaday 2015 challenge. Which is really Week 39 - Poppyseed's due date week. Due date Friday 11 September 2015.  I know they never come on this date but to me it is our due date because I will never know what date Poppyseed would of been born on,  our little Virgo angel.
It has finally arrived. Of course I tried not to think of the challenge this way after we lost PS, but it was already installed in my grey matter. Every time I would see the week number I would add two weeks on in my head.  I have managed to complete most of the weeks except a couple around the time of our second miscarriage in August. It just got all too hard to be super positive and thinking about prompts when our heart was breaking for the second time this year.
So this week I am going to use the prompts to make it a week dedicated to our little Poppyseed.  Starting the day after Father's Day,  which truly was a hard day to deal with for Drew and I, but I think it will be a nice little way to remember and process this hard week that we would of been due. I had a fleeting thought way back in January that Poppyseed could be born in time for Fathers day, yesterday was a tough day. I so wanted my Dad to be a Poppy and it just all was emotional. Lots of wonderful posts on Facebook all day was hard on me and I know for so many others (from lost children, to dads not being around anymore). Normally I just felt sad that I didn't get to see my Dad (he lives in Perth). But had a great chat to him on the phone and talked about what seafood to eat at Christmas when we head to Perth. Simple things to focus on that made me smile.
So this week's photo-a-day theme is 'Poppyseed' week. In all honesty I hadn't really thought much about what happens after this week, I had assumed I would be taking lots of pictures of our new baby boy or girl and inundating people on social media with those with cute hashtags.  I will have to come up with some positive themes for the next couple of weeks for this challenge to keep the momentum going. 

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