The Don's Meddle

Coming to the end of the year and I always like to reflect on the past 365 days and think about what have I learnt, also taking note of the thoughts/feelings/actions I need to let go heading into 2016. Planning challenges & goals for the new year. 2015 truly has been a year of learning patience and realising that family and friends are truly invaluable. Trusting my instincts at times when I didn't want to accept the truth was tough for me and I started not to trust myself at all. I didn't realise that the goal posts hadn't moved, I had. I have learnt that choice is something we do really have within. I can choose how I react to anything that happens in my life and know that the happy days should be enjoyed without feeling guilty and the dark days make me deal with reality and allow me to have gratitude for the truly important people and experiences in my life. I withdrew from society this year as I didn't know how to "just be". I struggled with being my...

14.12.15 Baby G - I sit here in the emergency department and hope and pray that you are ok. It is amazing how much love and connection you can feel straight away when you find out you are expecting. You notice the immediate changes in your body and know that life isn't going to be the same again. This time things felt different and i knew straight away you were going to be a girl. I am happy no matter what sex you are as i know you will make me and your dad so very happy. Please fight little BG, we love you and look forward to seeing you on the screen next week to make sure you are big and strong at six weeks 5 days. Love Mumma xoxo 15.12.15 So unfortunately Baby G won't be joining us and I cannot believe we are here again. Should we have waited to try again? The specialists and doctors all gave us the green light to try again and now I have to wait to see if nature will take her course or will I need another evacuation procedure. I am so calm it is frightening - when I do...

After many months I am finally reading Little Big Love's stories of loss, healing and hope after miscarriage. I feel I have healed quite a bit from my two losses this year. Sometimes I can go a whole day without thinking about my angels and somedays I have "what if" moments. I would highly recommend reading this book (link below) if you or someone you know has had a miscarriage, even though some people can forget about loss, the parents never will. I have started following a miscarriage closed group page on Facebook and so many woman from all over the world have shared their stories and the same theme seems to arise, they feel alone, isolated and feel they cannot turn to family and friends as they should have "gotten over it by now", or "get tild to just try again" and work colleagues who struggle to talk to them after they find out. This is a true struggle and women all over the globe feel like they are loosing their minds. Thank you Kelly Marchan...

A rainy Saturday called for a nice hearty meal for dinner,  so I googled Jamie's meatballs (as you do) to make for our relaxing dinner and Saturday night in. The sauce bubbling away smells divine and quite easy to make. I find Jamie's recipes easy and always taste delish. Enjoying a glass of shiraz whilst cooking always makes the dinner taste better (just does you know)! I find I always get a little creative and add ingredients to the mix.... namely wine. Divine. Link below  http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/beef-recipes/meatballs/

The sun shining certainly makes a great start to this Friday 13th. Superstitious for some, I find the energy today to be buzzing with new changes and loving the new moon vibe. Hello energy!! Things are shifting and I am sensing many others feel it also, whether they are tapped into the spiritual realm or just connected and feel the vibes around them. The key is when sensing change to act on the signals or gut feelings you have - this is something I am experiencing right now and letting go of the fear (left thinking brain) and enjoying the creative new side of things (right brain). So today I am thinking and sharing the things I want and not giving energy to the things I don't want. Loving this fearless energy and for the most I want change. I am stuck in a rut with who I am and where I am heading - time for new creative learning, feeding myself new challenges mentally, physically and emotionally to move forwards and achieve purpose, validity & financial gains also. New exciti...

Listening to the rain outside makes me feel a little calm & asleep to my left is my gorgeous husband and to my right is ginger puss Tiggy - the two most amazing things in my life so close. Today I am feeling flat, distant, emotional and I feel like I have lost myself and i dont know where i am at the present moment. I feel so alone but have so much love around me. I am feeling so many emotions and my heart is broken. I am thinking of my angels and cannot believe it is nearly November. Last week should of been baby bob/MJ's 20 week scan. A date etched in my mind as it was around my parents wedding anniversary., well a week or so before but somehow a date that has stayed in my mind. Funnily enough we have our second specialist appointment on my parents wedding anniversary. I have had dreams of my angels this past week and that has made me feel at ease. Things are tough and I am making my way out of the fog. I am taking the time i need but sometimes feel that i am not coping an...

Had a great training session tonight with Justin, was awesome to be back in the gym and we did a quick little circuit which consisted of upright rows with a kettlebell, pushups  (am on my knees ugh), squat press with kettlebell, plank holds (hello pain & weak core), i enjoyed it so much and I didn't beat myself up as i know my strength and fitness has reduced as I haven't trained this year (walking and yoga only). I am not going to lie it hurt like a mofo, I am hoping muscle memory kicks in quickly and this is the first time in over 15 years I haven't been fit!!   So super proud for pushing myself as I didn't feel up to going, tired day at work & winter has returned to Sydney so it is cold, wet and effing miserable. But I wanted to train, wanted to see my best mate Justin as I feel we don't see each other as much anymore as i stopped going to the gym & we love training. So glad I put my big girl undies on and just fucking did it. Session complete!! ...