Always in my heart....

 

With all the chaos of the world at the moment, my dreams have been a little all over the shop. I try not to watch too much media on COVID-19 and I have been watching a lot of Netflix, so the imagination doesn't need any more content!  But they have been very vivid and meaningful the last week or so. 

I have always been a date person, I remember dates. Mainly birthdays (some I forget, some I remember like friends from high school)! Whatever is retained in my brain I will remember the dates and this includes the dates of my angels.   Sometimes it is like I do forget a little and for some reason the dates make me think for a second until I remember that is right, I know what that date is coming up. I do get a little teary and think about what we went through, but I know I am a stronger person and my spirituality lets me cope with our angels and I know they are somewhere and happy.  Not destined for us but we were able to have the happiness and love that came with finding out we were expecting. 

My dreams this week have been of children. I thought it might have come from watching some shows but then realised that the names of the children in my dreams are those of my angels, sending me a story to show they are happy and that is pretty amazing. Sometimes they are little and then they are much older like teenagers.  So special to have these moments to cherish.  

Today is the due date of our third angel Baby G - baby girl. I knew she was a girl. I am not sure if she was or not but in my heart I feel she was. She was my last angel. I remember just feeling so sad and broken. Why couldn't we keep our babies we so much wanted?  I know now that they were getting us ready for our fourth pregnancy with our daughter Maddison.  August is a busy month as the 14th August is our anniversary of our second loss, our boy MJ. 

You can read my posts here about Poppyseed, MJ and BabyG.  My angels that weren't strong enough to come earthside in 2015, making it possible for our gorgeous Rainbow baby Maddison to be born in 2016. I truly believe our angels came to us to prepare us for Maddison's arrival.  I am so very grateful and blessed she chose us and not a day goes by that I am not grateful for having her in our lives. Life is so precious and for enjoying everyday the laughter and smiles of our rainbow girl.

Reflections of 2015 - the Toughest year.

I am so glad I shared my stories as they are really important to me and part of who I am. I read them now and then and think of my angels often. I know many go through loss and difficulty to getting pregnant and I think talking about our stories is a positive conversation that can help not only us, but others that suffer in silence. Know your story is important x

Always in my heart. Always loved. xox

Maddison is getting so big now... a true blessing for us.





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